Surviving The 'Tal-Lira' Cinematic Experience…

Throughout my childhood, adolescence and youth, the Galleria Cinemas in Fgura, Malta (which is now known as the ‘Tal-Lira Cinema) was the one friend who remained. It stood its ground through thick and thin. It was where I spent many a happy hour just grateful for the fact that I had my own backdoor cinema. This affection I have for the cinema (as much as a concept as a physical location) is what prompts me to write today.

The Galleria cinemas in Fgura, Malta. These later became known as the ‘Tal-Lira’ Cinemas.

Having a cinema just round the corner from where you live does have its perks. The probability that one finds this theatre full upon arrival is close to nil. And any cinema within walking distance is nothing short of pure wealth. But hey, who said life was perfect?

Before I start my rant, it might be a good idea to explain what the phrase ‘tal-lira’ means. The Maltese word ‘tal-lira’ literally stands for ‘One pound’, which also reflects the pricing for each ticket. Movies are released later than they are in other cinemas, and this is why the pricing is so cheap.

I’m not going to exclusively blame the cheap pricing for the shoddiness and blatant carelessness by whoever wishes to claim responsibility for the lingering issues I will mention below. Almost all of these instances, in fact happened way before the Galleria Cinema became part of the happy Tal-Lira family. The fact that most of the incidents (of which I will only mention the highlights here) I’m about to mention took place at what is popularly known as the ‘Tal-Lira Cinema’ is purely coincidental.

Scooby Doo (2002): Sound Randomly Turns Off

I remember this day like it was yesterday. The first half of the movie went by without a glitch. The second half opened without any sound going on. The audience started playing the waiting game. Who’s gonna get up, walk out, and notify management that in Cinema 2 they were screening silents? This went on for a good fifteen minutes. No one gave us our money back.

 Babel (2006):  Warbled Sound

 

This was one the most memorable tal-lira incidents for me. So, who has still to watch Alejandro González Iñárritu’s tragic masterpiece Babel, try to find a copy and do so. Few movies are capable of leaving me in such a state of near depression and elation at the same time. Watching it when it first came out, its tal-lira moment was when the (spoiler) deaf Japanese chick comes on. Now she’s deaf, and her deafness is clearly explained through her extensive use of sign language and closeups of her eyes, mouth, and wild gesticulations. My audience understood she was deaf because of the thundering warbling coming through the surround system on her scene. I mean, it was so perfectly synched that it had to be a (rather unconventional way) of spoon-feeding an audience into understanding that this character was deaf and constantly hearing rumbling in her head. The audience may have been initially confused, but once it was clear that the young girl was deaf, they must have felt so brainy! Until that moment when Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett came on – and what we thought was the deaf girl’s hearing perspective was still going on. It was then that we realized that we had missed out on a good deal of audio information, because of a spontaneous yet impeccably timed technical fault, and someone stormed out of the theatre and yelled at someone else. Inside, the sound came back on. Must have been the most memorable tal-lira moment. Again, no one gave us our money back, or even apologized.

Pirates of the Caribbean (The Curse of the Black Pearl) 2003:

Shoot, I had almost forgotten to mention this one altogether. It would have been a shame – it’s a gem. It was a wet, wet September day. So, I’m sitting at the last row (M or N I guess) of the theatre. We’re watching this refreshing surprise of a pirate swashbuckler which I enjoyed so much I went to watch twice in the same weekend. Pirates of the Caribbean was the film which brought the eccentric (trying hard to find an adequate adjective here!) Johnny Depp to a new generation…and re-kindled his fan base with the older Edward Scissorhands buffs. It was also the film which apparently introduced 5D at the Fgura Cinemas! As I was saying, we’re sitting at the back row, my brother sitting on my right. It was the scene were Barbosa says, ‘You best start believing in ghost stories Ms.Turner, you’re in one!’ or something to that effect. What happened next was that with each splash of the Pearl, I felt the a spray of cold seawater(?) on my forehead. This left me startled as much as pleasantly surprised. No one had said anything about 5D elements, and here I was, getting… (ANOTHER SPRAY IN THE FACE) …thoroughly wet by what I thought was a great attempt at special eff— On my right, my brother was dumbfounded, staring upwards at the ceiling, from where rainwater (from real clouds high above the Fgura Cinema) was freely seeping from a spot directly above his head. He ended up drenched. No one said they were sorry, gave us our money back, or offered to pay the doctor’s bill!

The Lion King (2014)

 

Yes, for those of you who didn’t know, Disney’s The Lion King was screened last weekend at the Gallarija Cinema 4. This was only the second chance I had in twenty years to watch this epic on the big screen (not counting it’s IMAX stint which was, imo, an epic disappointment. That time I was too busy twisting my neck trying to figure out where to look at, to actually remember to watch the film!) I first watched The Lion King in 1995, and yes, I count that as one of the special days of my life. Barely seven years old at the time, I was lucky to be able to watch what I believe is the last of the true Disney Animated Classics in all it’s intended glory. That day will always remain one of my favorite memories. A number of things about that day will forever remain etched in my mind; the smell of fresh (or is it stale?) popcorn that still scents the Eden Century Cinemas today, the large JAWS poster hanging just outside the theaters, which I saw for the first time on that day, the pinkish colored sidewalk outside the cinema. Why are such details important? They show, (I hope) that the day I watched The Lion King for the first time was a day which left considerable impact on me (and most probably on my love for the Cinema.)

They also explain why I was so looking forward to re-live the experience last weekend. That didn’t quite happen. Those of you who, like me, have watched The Lion King so many times during your childhood that you learnt the screenplay by heart, know that the film’s opening scene, the awe-ispiring red sunrise to the  ‘NAAANTSSS INGOYAMAAAAAA BAGITHI BABA!’ (or as I understood it at the time, Aunty Mittja! Ala biebi baba!), is the defining moment which transports you to the heart of Africa. Those first frames suck you in and promise you a magical hour and a half of beautiful moments of tenderness, epicness and evil uncles. The hour and a half that teach you about the facts of life, the circle of life, and that the disconcertingly British Zazu is voiced by what you previously thought was a mute Mr.Bean. That was why that sunrise scene is of pivotal importance. Which is why I was a little bit upset when, during last Saturday’s 10:00Am viewing, it didn’t happen. We heard the sounds, but we never saw any vision. The seconds rolled on and whoever sings “From the day we arrive on the planet,” was already blinking steps into the sun, but Cinema 4 was still shrouded in total uncomfortable darkness. Embarrassing even. There were a lot of young children in the theatre, who missed out on the big Nants Ingoyama sunrise moment. Moments like these only come around once every two decades or so. Pity. Halfway through the song, the screen came to life. I do not wish to harp on about all that is evil about the insistence of haphazardly cutting each movie in two and injecting it with a THE BAR IS OPEN sign. I had, a couple of years back, already dedicated a post on my personal blog about this. If you’re intrigued, you can check it out here. Yes it’s mostly in Maltese, but today we’re blessed with Bing Translate.

No, let’s imagine we live in a world where we have no choice but to have an intermission in each film we watch. I mean…couldn’t it be handled with a smidgen of dignity? Believe what you will, but I still remember the exact moment, the intermission took place during the original Lion King viewing in the Eden Century Cinemas (back in ’95). It happened between the shot of grown-up Simba running back to claim whatever pride his Pride Lands had left, and the shot of Timon the meerkat sleeping on Pumbaa’s tum, rising and falling with each breath the warthog took. The break made sense – it was timed, beautifully so. It happened just after the mission was revealed to our hero, and he embarked on his quest.  It was so effectively placed that I still remember the impact the end of the first (pre-intermission) half of the film had on me, twenty years on. It made me believe that, yes, timing the intermission for a film can be an art in itself. At least, it should be left to someone who understands an iota in story structure. Whoever took care of last weekend’s Lion King viewing did not share his predecessor’s affinity for all that’s pure. He just turned the lights on mid-way through Timon and Pumbaa’s impromptu rendition of The Lion Sleeps tonight.

The Fekken Bar is Open

That was the last straw.

*          *          *

Actually, the last straw was when the lights went off once again and the film resumed. It took the best of a minute and a half for whoever was running the show to realize that the crummy tal-lira quality adverts were still being spewed all over Can’t You Feel the Love Tonight.

*          *          *

These sort of incidents have been happening for years. I’ve been putting off writing them until I thought was necessary, frankly because I like to think of myself as a nice guy. Today I realize I respect the cinema, paying audiences and my relationship with the movies far too much to remain quiet any longer. I never really want my money back as no money can really buy what a good  cinema experience can give you.

Thus I rant

In the hope that

Reason prevails

And tomorrow will be

A better day